Around 45 million American women—the Baby Boomer generation—are going through or will go through menopause in the next decade. This is no ordinary group of women: Because of its sheer size, it will dictate how menopause is perceived by the rest of society. In recent years, the U.S. economy has practically bent over backward to cater to this group’s needs, and menopause is likely to be no exception.
Traditionally, menopause has been associated with a raft of unpleasant symptoms, some temporary and some ongoing. But is this the complete story?
“There’s a view in the medical world, and perhaps by the population at large, that the period after menopause is a negative time of life, and women are miserable,” says Wulf H. Utian MD, PhD, executive director of The North American Menopause Society (NAMS) and a consulting gynecologist at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio. “What we learned from the NAMS national survey of women aged 50 to 65 was that the majority said, ‘Hey, this is the best time of my life. I feel more confident, more self-fulfilled and better able to react to catastrophes.’”
In fact, 51 percent said they felt the most empowered and fulfilled just after they reached menopause.
So why are the years beyond meno-pause such an invigorating time? In some ways, it’s the quiet after the storm. Crying babies who became turbulent teens have left the nest. Cracks in longtime marriages have healed—or women have broken their spousal shackles to enjoy freedom again. After years of hard work, some have reached the pinnacle of their professions. Trying perimenopausal times—of raging hormones and sleepless, bed-drenched nights—are dwindling.
“We’ve earned the right to be wise women; we’ve been there, done that,” says Ann Louise Gittleman, PhD, and author of the book, Hot Times. Reveling in her “second adolescence,” Gittleman is reinventing herself with a distinct advantage. “I know myself, have self-confidence and am much more in tune with the courage of my convictions,” she says. “I’m not afraid to say, speak or write what I perceive as the truth. I wouldn’t go back to 25. I’m happier at 55. It’s enthralling and invigorating.”
A RebirthSondra Forsyth agrees. Now in her 60s and artistic director of New York’s Ballet Ambassadors, an arts-in-education program, she shed a 25-year marriage and full-time career as an editor when she moved to Manhattan to write and teach dance. “Some women might see impending menopause as a death, the end of their being able to have children,” she says. “But I saw it as a birth, a healthy stage of life that allowed me to be free.”
“As much as I adore my children, being a nine-to-five working mother was extremely difficult,” says Forsyth, who coauthored the book Forget the Facelift. “I used to wake up at 4 a.m. because that was the only time no one needed me. Now my schedule is anything I want it to be. And I’m looking forward to grandchildren, where you have fun without the responsibility.”
Another obligation weighs less on her, too: the quest to reach the next career peak. “I’ve already achieved certain goals and recognition,” she says. “I still need to make money, but I can have fun doing it.”
At 54, Jacqueline Taylor, a retail man-ager from Atlanta, Ga., is also grateful to be off the endless track of high expectations and high obligations. “I really did expect a lot from life when I was younger, but after two failed marriages and with grown children, I was alone again, wondering what I should do with myself.”
All it took was a shift in Taylor’s thinking to see this as an opportunity. “I realized that all those things I wanted to do when I was younger, which had been swept aside to be a full-time wife and mom, were now there for the taking. I found myself more fulfilled and hugely proud of myself—proud that I’d taken up art classes and was finally expressing myself creatively, proud that I had saved up to go on a tour of Europe, proud that I was Jackie again.”
Stage of AcceptanceAdjusting one’s expectations in middle age “is like lifting a veil,” says Judith Katzman, 58, a Houston-based marriage and family therapist. “Each loss in your life works to strip away the superficial. You start to examine the ‘shoulds’ you grew up with and start making conscious choices. You start to let go of your internal critic. You become aware that the standards of youth not only are unattainable, but ridiculous. You finally accept your body as it is.”
With that acceptance has come a new occupation for Barbara Bowman. At 53, she became a Laguna Beach, Calif., Pilates instructor after 26 years at ABC, where she was director of affiliate marketing.
“We’re not our mothers’ 50,” says Bowman. “They stopped moving, and their possibilities seemed limited. Ours are endless.”
One thing that enhances your appreciation of those opportunities is the feeling you’ve survived your worst years, says JoAnn V. Pinkerton, MD, director of the Midlife Health Center at Charlottesville’s University of Virginia. “Eleanor Roosevelt once said, ‘A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water.’ And that’s true: When a crisis comes, you know how to handle it.”
Taking Care of YourselfLeil Lowndes, 64, and a New York City professional speaker, also found a new persona after 50. “Before, I identified with my children. Once they were gone, I discovered a new person—myself. I think you learn to love yourself because with each daily decision you’ve created yourself.” She also makes sure to pamper her new self. “My machine isn’t as well oiled as it once was, so now I’m taking more care of myself,” she says. “I exercise more—and I see the benefits so much more than when I was younger.”
Indeed, the NAMS survey found that many recently postmenopausal women start taking care of their health for the first time: exercising, eating healthy foods, quitting smoking and more closely monitoring medical conditions.
“Preventative care is important for all our lives but, unfortunately, many of us don’t think seriously about it until midlife, when the end is in sight,” says Leon Speroff, MD, an obstetrics/gynecology professor at Portland’s Oregon Health and Science University. “The most important thing is making the decision: ‘I’m going to take charge of my life and do all the things that will make it better, and I’m going to enjoy my remaining years.’”
This was certainly true for 52-year-old Jennifer Shepherd, a receptionist from St. Cloud, Minn. Shepherd always felt that because she was active, she was not at risk from osteoporosis, but although she was fit, she neglected her diet. “I was always on the run so I grabbed food where I could. When I learned that I had osteoporosis, it was a real shock—I was worried I wouldn’t be able to exercise anymore, but it just meant I had to reassess what my body could and could not do. I took up yoga, and it was a whole new discipline. I was still working my muscles and building strength, but I was also learning to slow down and focus on my breathing. I’m a lot more centered now, and I genuinely feel like the woman I would have wanted to be when I was 20!”
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